What a difference a little Thyme does make..

Cook something for too long and is is over cooked, burnt, inedible, cook it too little and it is still raw, unset, and kinda slimy and again, inedible. It is amazing what time can do. It can ruin something beyond recognition or leave it still quivering and runny. But time can also produce perfect results. It can change something that seemed unsaveable into something better, maybe still a work in progress but definitely a lot better than it was before. Sometimes you can scrape off the burnt crust and find that the insides are not quite done and need just a little bit more to become perfect or at least better. Add a little more TLC and it becomes something else completely, I am consistently amazed at what time can do and when I think something is done, I find that it is not, and that it has transformed into something else. Something I can work with, something I know that I can give my attention to and help to turn it into exactly what I wanted and was looking for....a little time...that is all I need...just a little time...

missing...

Is it possible to miss something that isn't gone yet...? Can one's heart hurt long before it is actually broken? Well, yes..I think it is and I think it can...I feel a sense of loss, of heartache, of loneliness...yet I am not alone, my heart has not been broken...but I sense it coming..I can feel it in my very soul. I'm not sure when, or who will break it, but I know it is going to happen. When I say who, it may well be me..I have been walking a narrow path recently trying not to stray, not to crush what is on either side, trying to keep it all good...but it does not seem to matter, I still stumble into the wrong place, or step on something I shouldn't, sometimes I don't even know what I've done, but it seems to be wrong. The intimacy that should be a given, is gone..in its place is uncertainty, confusion, and hurt. When I am sad there is no comfort, no sympathy, no understanding. I feel so cold all of the time. Who will break my heart? It might have to be me...because the thought of going on like this is too much to bear...I am missing something that is still here....but truthfully..left a long time ago. The time is coming to let it go.....

This post has nothing to do with cooking, but it was an assignment for my media class and I am quite proud of it.

Music is the one form of popular media that transcends cultures, genders, classes, ages, and time. Music can bring a group of very different people together, or it can create divisions and controversy. It can move people physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The history of some civilizations was passed down in the form of song and dance. Many tales and legends would have been lost to time had it not been for song. It tells a story, creates emotional response, and is almost impossible to ignore. Music stirs people’s souls and can take them out of the moment to another place and time. It can help salve a wounded heart and is used as therapy for emotionally disturbed people. Song lyrics have stirred a nation into action against wars, helped to feed the hungry and brought attention to the plight of less fortunate people. No media can speak to such a broad spectrum of humanity the way music can. Every culture and civilization, since the beginning of time, has had some form of music. Each generation has created music that has influenced and helped create the next generation’s popular music. Many current trends can be traced back to music and songs from centuries past. Musicians of today often use parts of other composer’s and song writer’s music in a new form, borrowing pieces of older melodies to enhance current songs. Every generation claims a genre of music as their own, not realizing that music cannot be claimed, it is owned by whoever hears it. It can be replayed in one’s mind over and over. Of all of the types of popular media, music is the one form that always has existed and can cross all barriers.

What if You Have No Recipe

Have you ever tried to make something without a recipe? Sometimes you make something wonderful and you wish you had written it down, you try to recreate it, but you can't always do it. Other times it is a disaster...whatever it was that you were trying to make failed miserably. We can only make a recipe with the ingredients we have, we can always go to the store and buy more and different ones, but sometimes that isn't possible and we have to make due with what we already have. Sometimes we can stare at the pantry shelf or the open refrigerator and nothing comes to mind, we can't figure out exactly what we should make. We don't know what ingredients are going to taste good together and what things clash horribly. There is no forcing things together in hopes of a good outcome, they either go together or they don't. We can't change the taste or the texture, we cannot MAKE things blend. Sometimes it is best to keep it simple, open one can of soup add water and voila' you have lunch. Other times simple just doesn't satisfy. We want more than soup, we want gourmet, we want a three course meal, we want steak, lobster, fondue and flambe', doesn't happen too often, but we can still want it, may not get it, but we can still hope and dream of it. Sometimes we don't have a recipe, sometimes we have to go it alone and figure out moment by moment exactly what we are going to add, may work, may taste awful, may just be bland...but in the end we don't always need a recipe because what we create turns out just fine....sometimes though....it fails...and that is okay, because there is always another day, another try, another recipe.

When Planning Fails

I plan my meals each week. I sit down surrounded by recipes and lists of our favorites, catagorized by meats, and figure out the menu. I have a handy pad that lists all the days with boxes for each meal. When I was doing daycare I planned my breakfast, lunches and snacks too, but now I just do the dinner box, I use the extra boxes for notes and such. It comes with a perforated shopping list along the side so I can jot down what ingredients I will need for my meals. I plan and make my shopping list so that I know I have everything I need, and I have found that I throw a lot less away because I use it all. Most of the time what I have planned fits perfectly into the day, sometimes my day gets a little busy and I have to swap days and fix something a little easier because I have run out of time. then..there are the days when I start to fix what I had planned and I am halfway into it and realize that what I had chosen to make at the beginning of the week just isn't what I want anymore. I made the decision on Saturday what to make on Thursday, now I am invested in making it and I have to live with that decision. Even if it doesn't smell that appealing anymore, or look that appetizing. I've already started, I don't want to waste the ingredients or start something over because I have already invested so much time into what I have started. Do I throw it out and waste all the time and food? Do I continue and hope that somehow it becomes much more appealing and starts to look and smell better? Do I finish it and put it away and have a salad? What do I tell the family? I didn't like dinner tonight so I threw it out? What if they like it? I made the choice of what to fix, but maybe they don't want it either, or maybe they do. I am at a loss to know what to do when maybe what you chose to make for dinner just isn't exactly what you had in mind when you started it.

Missing ingredients

Have you ever started to make a recipe and find that you are missing an ingredient? Sometimes it is a minor ingredient and you can make do without, or you can substitute it with something else. Other times, it is a main ingredient, you still might be able to substitute, but you could end up with a totally different dish entirely. Then there are the times where nothing else will do, the ingredient you are missing is essential to the dish, nothing can replace it. You can't make the dish and you have to wait until you can buy the ingredient. There are times when it is a staple, something you should always have on hand and when you don't, it is a little disconcerting. Why is is it not in the cupboard where it belongs, how could you forget it? How can you salvage the recipe you are trying to make? I am missing a main ingredient in my kitchen right now, I can't replace it, I can't subtitute it and I can't wait to have it back where it belongs. Sometimes, you don't even realize you are missing it until it isn't there, and you realize how very important and essential and needed that ingredient is. It is the main ingredient that makes everything richer, sweeter, tastier and much more enjoyable. You can live without it, but why would you want to, when everything tastes so much better with it!

Learning a New Kitchen

Did you ever have to move? Most people do. So many hard decisions and choices. What to take with, what to give away, what to throw away. Being a packrat, these choices and decisions were twice as hard for me, still I filled a 30 yard dumpster with things I really didn't need anymore. It was hard, some of those things had been with me for over twenty years, others were things left over from my kid's childhood, not really mementos, but still things that were very hard to part with. Everything had a memory attached. But I did it, made a lot of hard choices and parted with a lot of "stuff" that had far outlived it's usefulness. After all those choices and decisions comes the unpacking. Putting away all of the things that made it to the new place. The worst room of the house? The kitchen. After being in a kitchen for nine years I knew where everything was, I could assemble my ingredients and my tools in a matter of minutes. I knew which spices were behind which herbs and I had my most used tools and measures within my reach at the stove. I had ample counter space but could use it all pretty easily, I am not a clean cook. You KNOW when I've made dinner. I've heard it said you can tell a good cook by the messy kitchen. I must be a GREAT cook! Standing in my "new" kitchen, I say "new" because it is a very kitschy (haha) 1950's house and kitchen, I had trouble deciding where to put anything. It does have a lot of cupboards, but not quite as much or neatly laid out counter space. And there is the fact that I am a bit of a fanatic when it comes to shelf paper, NOTHING goes into a drawer or cupboard without brand new shelf paper. There were a lot of drawers and shelves to line, it took forever, but even with all the space it has no spice carousel or convenient cupboard to put all my oils and vinegars and various sauces in. But in the end I prevailed, I bought an 18 inch turnaround and two spice risers at BB and B, my favorite store to get lost in, that transformed a cupboard into a very organized spice center, I found that I am not quite as short as I thought and found the cupboard above the stove to be perfect for my oils and such and it doesn't get too warm for them. My tools, knives and measures are in drawers all within easy reach. I am still rearranging and changing and moving things around. I play the game "I need..." and see which drawer or cupboard I automatically go to. So far even my daughter has been able to find everything pretty easily. If only our lives and relationships could be organized and fixed and changed so easily. Nothing ever quite fits in the cupboard or drawer that you want it to. It always kinda spills out, or you can't quite find the right tool you are looking for, nothing quite measures up to what you expect. The thing about moving is that even though it is a new place, the people and things it contains are the same, you bring it all with you unless you make the conscious choice to leave some of the clutter and "crap" behind. Wherever you go....there you are. This move has been hard and the fact that I have done it pretty much alone has made it even harder. Other then one load of boxes and a couple loads of furniture, I have done the rest by myself. It is my "crap" true, but I guess I thought I would have a lot more help and support then I have gotten. I am exhausted, tired, stressed, sore, sad, depressed and at times just feel like I can't do it anymore, I'm still not done. Nine years of stuff packed into a big house and having to move it and fit it into a much smaller space. Not even all of the furniture is in the house, it's still in the garage filling it up much like the old one, it should be placed already, the rooms should be arranged. Once that is done it is so much easier to put things away. But for now, it is chaos, and I will clean it up. Even if I have to do it alone. Because after this, I never want to have to go through what I just did. I don't ever want to have that much clutter in my life again, I don't ever want to have to make those hard choices or decisions. I don't want to have my life filled with "crap" that serves no purpose except to drag me down. So...I will get the job done and I will organize the new space, and I will do it with or without any help...because it needs to be done. In time I will be able to assemble exactly what I need in a matter of minutes to fix a meal. And maybe after all this stress other things will organize themselves and find the right place where they fit and all will be okay.....or maybe more hard choices and decisions will have to be made.....and more things that have outlived their usefulness will have to be thrown away...