What a difference a little Thyme does make..

Cook something for too long and is is over cooked, burnt, inedible, cook it too little and it is still raw, unset, and kinda slimy and again, inedible. It is amazing what time can do. It can ruin something beyond recognition or leave it still quivering and runny. But time can also produce perfect results. It can change something that seemed unsaveable into something better, maybe still a work in progress but definitely a lot better than it was before. Sometimes you can scrape off the burnt crust and find that the insides are not quite done and need just a little bit more to become perfect or at least better. Add a little more TLC and it becomes something else completely, I am consistently amazed at what time can do and when I think something is done, I find that it is not, and that it has transformed into something else. Something I can work with, something I know that I can give my attention to and help to turn it into exactly what I wanted and was looking for....a little time...that is all I need...just a little time...

missing...

Is it possible to miss something that isn't gone yet...? Can one's heart hurt long before it is actually broken? Well, yes..I think it is and I think it can...I feel a sense of loss, of heartache, of loneliness...yet I am not alone, my heart has not been broken...but I sense it coming..I can feel it in my very soul. I'm not sure when, or who will break it, but I know it is going to happen. When I say who, it may well be me..I have been walking a narrow path recently trying not to stray, not to crush what is on either side, trying to keep it all good...but it does not seem to matter, I still stumble into the wrong place, or step on something I shouldn't, sometimes I don't even know what I've done, but it seems to be wrong. The intimacy that should be a given, is gone..in its place is uncertainty, confusion, and hurt. When I am sad there is no comfort, no sympathy, no understanding. I feel so cold all of the time. Who will break my heart? It might have to be me...because the thought of going on like this is too much to bear...I am missing something that is still here....but truthfully..left a long time ago. The time is coming to let it go.....

This post has nothing to do with cooking, but it was an assignment for my media class and I am quite proud of it.

Music is the one form of popular media that transcends cultures, genders, classes, ages, and time. Music can bring a group of very different people together, or it can create divisions and controversy. It can move people physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The history of some civilizations was passed down in the form of song and dance. Many tales and legends would have been lost to time had it not been for song. It tells a story, creates emotional response, and is almost impossible to ignore. Music stirs people’s souls and can take them out of the moment to another place and time. It can help salve a wounded heart and is used as therapy for emotionally disturbed people. Song lyrics have stirred a nation into action against wars, helped to feed the hungry and brought attention to the plight of less fortunate people. No media can speak to such a broad spectrum of humanity the way music can. Every culture and civilization, since the beginning of time, has had some form of music. Each generation has created music that has influenced and helped create the next generation’s popular music. Many current trends can be traced back to music and songs from centuries past. Musicians of today often use parts of other composer’s and song writer’s music in a new form, borrowing pieces of older melodies to enhance current songs. Every generation claims a genre of music as their own, not realizing that music cannot be claimed, it is owned by whoever hears it. It can be replayed in one’s mind over and over. Of all of the types of popular media, music is the one form that always has existed and can cross all barriers.

What if You Have No Recipe

Have you ever tried to make something without a recipe? Sometimes you make something wonderful and you wish you had written it down, you try to recreate it, but you can't always do it. Other times it is a disaster...whatever it was that you were trying to make failed miserably. We can only make a recipe with the ingredients we have, we can always go to the store and buy more and different ones, but sometimes that isn't possible and we have to make due with what we already have. Sometimes we can stare at the pantry shelf or the open refrigerator and nothing comes to mind, we can't figure out exactly what we should make. We don't know what ingredients are going to taste good together and what things clash horribly. There is no forcing things together in hopes of a good outcome, they either go together or they don't. We can't change the taste or the texture, we cannot MAKE things blend. Sometimes it is best to keep it simple, open one can of soup add water and voila' you have lunch. Other times simple just doesn't satisfy. We want more than soup, we want gourmet, we want a three course meal, we want steak, lobster, fondue and flambe', doesn't happen too often, but we can still want it, may not get it, but we can still hope and dream of it. Sometimes we don't have a recipe, sometimes we have to go it alone and figure out moment by moment exactly what we are going to add, may work, may taste awful, may just be bland...but in the end we don't always need a recipe because what we create turns out just fine....sometimes though....it fails...and that is okay, because there is always another day, another try, another recipe.

When Planning Fails

I plan my meals each week. I sit down surrounded by recipes and lists of our favorites, catagorized by meats, and figure out the menu. I have a handy pad that lists all the days with boxes for each meal. When I was doing daycare I planned my breakfast, lunches and snacks too, but now I just do the dinner box, I use the extra boxes for notes and such. It comes with a perforated shopping list along the side so I can jot down what ingredients I will need for my meals. I plan and make my shopping list so that I know I have everything I need, and I have found that I throw a lot less away because I use it all. Most of the time what I have planned fits perfectly into the day, sometimes my day gets a little busy and I have to swap days and fix something a little easier because I have run out of time. then..there are the days when I start to fix what I had planned and I am halfway into it and realize that what I had chosen to make at the beginning of the week just isn't what I want anymore. I made the decision on Saturday what to make on Thursday, now I am invested in making it and I have to live with that decision. Even if it doesn't smell that appealing anymore, or look that appetizing. I've already started, I don't want to waste the ingredients or start something over because I have already invested so much time into what I have started. Do I throw it out and waste all the time and food? Do I continue and hope that somehow it becomes much more appealing and starts to look and smell better? Do I finish it and put it away and have a salad? What do I tell the family? I didn't like dinner tonight so I threw it out? What if they like it? I made the choice of what to fix, but maybe they don't want it either, or maybe they do. I am at a loss to know what to do when maybe what you chose to make for dinner just isn't exactly what you had in mind when you started it.

Missing ingredients

Have you ever started to make a recipe and find that you are missing an ingredient? Sometimes it is a minor ingredient and you can make do without, or you can substitute it with something else. Other times, it is a main ingredient, you still might be able to substitute, but you could end up with a totally different dish entirely. Then there are the times where nothing else will do, the ingredient you are missing is essential to the dish, nothing can replace it. You can't make the dish and you have to wait until you can buy the ingredient. There are times when it is a staple, something you should always have on hand and when you don't, it is a little disconcerting. Why is is it not in the cupboard where it belongs, how could you forget it? How can you salvage the recipe you are trying to make? I am missing a main ingredient in my kitchen right now, I can't replace it, I can't subtitute it and I can't wait to have it back where it belongs. Sometimes, you don't even realize you are missing it until it isn't there, and you realize how very important and essential and needed that ingredient is. It is the main ingredient that makes everything richer, sweeter, tastier and much more enjoyable. You can live without it, but why would you want to, when everything tastes so much better with it!

Learning a New Kitchen

Did you ever have to move? Most people do. So many hard decisions and choices. What to take with, what to give away, what to throw away. Being a packrat, these choices and decisions were twice as hard for me, still I filled a 30 yard dumpster with things I really didn't need anymore. It was hard, some of those things had been with me for over twenty years, others were things left over from my kid's childhood, not really mementos, but still things that were very hard to part with. Everything had a memory attached. But I did it, made a lot of hard choices and parted with a lot of "stuff" that had far outlived it's usefulness. After all those choices and decisions comes the unpacking. Putting away all of the things that made it to the new place. The worst room of the house? The kitchen. After being in a kitchen for nine years I knew where everything was, I could assemble my ingredients and my tools in a matter of minutes. I knew which spices were behind which herbs and I had my most used tools and measures within my reach at the stove. I had ample counter space but could use it all pretty easily, I am not a clean cook. You KNOW when I've made dinner. I've heard it said you can tell a good cook by the messy kitchen. I must be a GREAT cook! Standing in my "new" kitchen, I say "new" because it is a very kitschy (haha) 1950's house and kitchen, I had trouble deciding where to put anything. It does have a lot of cupboards, but not quite as much or neatly laid out counter space. And there is the fact that I am a bit of a fanatic when it comes to shelf paper, NOTHING goes into a drawer or cupboard without brand new shelf paper. There were a lot of drawers and shelves to line, it took forever, but even with all the space it has no spice carousel or convenient cupboard to put all my oils and vinegars and various sauces in. But in the end I prevailed, I bought an 18 inch turnaround and two spice risers at BB and B, my favorite store to get lost in, that transformed a cupboard into a very organized spice center, I found that I am not quite as short as I thought and found the cupboard above the stove to be perfect for my oils and such and it doesn't get too warm for them. My tools, knives and measures are in drawers all within easy reach. I am still rearranging and changing and moving things around. I play the game "I need..." and see which drawer or cupboard I automatically go to. So far even my daughter has been able to find everything pretty easily. If only our lives and relationships could be organized and fixed and changed so easily. Nothing ever quite fits in the cupboard or drawer that you want it to. It always kinda spills out, or you can't quite find the right tool you are looking for, nothing quite measures up to what you expect. The thing about moving is that even though it is a new place, the people and things it contains are the same, you bring it all with you unless you make the conscious choice to leave some of the clutter and "crap" behind. Wherever you go....there you are. This move has been hard and the fact that I have done it pretty much alone has made it even harder. Other then one load of boxes and a couple loads of furniture, I have done the rest by myself. It is my "crap" true, but I guess I thought I would have a lot more help and support then I have gotten. I am exhausted, tired, stressed, sore, sad, depressed and at times just feel like I can't do it anymore, I'm still not done. Nine years of stuff packed into a big house and having to move it and fit it into a much smaller space. Not even all of the furniture is in the house, it's still in the garage filling it up much like the old one, it should be placed already, the rooms should be arranged. Once that is done it is so much easier to put things away. But for now, it is chaos, and I will clean it up. Even if I have to do it alone. Because after this, I never want to have to go through what I just did. I don't ever want to have that much clutter in my life again, I don't ever want to have to make those hard choices or decisions. I don't want to have my life filled with "crap" that serves no purpose except to drag me down. So...I will get the job done and I will organize the new space, and I will do it with or without any help...because it needs to be done. In time I will be able to assemble exactly what I need in a matter of minutes to fix a meal. And maybe after all this stress other things will organize themselves and find the right place where they fit and all will be okay.....or maybe more hard choices and decisions will have to be made.....and more things that have outlived their usefulness will have to be thrown away...

Just blah, blah, blah

Amazing how my cooking style and meal choice so closely reflects what is happening in my life. I haven't cooked as much lately, and when I have, it has been the tried and true, things I can whip up in less then an hour and can almost make with my eyes closed. Maybe it is because we moved and I don't know the kitchen yet. I can't reach for, and find, the exact tool or spice I am looking for. I have to stop and think before I open a drawer, usually the wrong one, to get what I want. Making complicated meals just seems, well, too complicated. Maybe it is because I have been feeling uninspired, depressed, a little lonely, like life has decided to gang up on me just a little. I don't feel at home, I miss my home, I want to go home, but it is no longer there, it has changed, it isn't mine anymore. It's painted a different color, the yard has changed and even some of the other neighbors have moved. I don't belong there anymore, but I don't belong here either. I feel like I'm in limbo waiting for something...but I don't know what. Maybe the budget is stretched too tight and I can't go all out and buy all of the fun ingredients it takes for a lot of my recipes. Who knows what the problem is, I don't, I just know I feel off center, out of sync, off kilter, out of whack. Things are not quite where or how they are supposed to be. It seems no matter what I do, it's not quite right. I have tried a few simple new recipes, but they fell flat, they were bland and..uninspired. So what's for dinner tonight? What else, leftovers. Not even great ones. Kind of blah, uninspired, boring, not quite right.....

Sunday August 8, 2010

Recipes that go wrong

Sometimes recipes don't work. Sometimes they just go wrong. You can do everything right, or at least try, but they still turn out bad, wrong, tasteless....yucky. Sometimes you just want to cry. You worked so hard to make the recipe right, you measured and added all the ingredients. You chopped, sliced and diced. You sauteed, steamed and baked. You stirred, whisked and beat. Still.....it didn't work. You poured your heart and soul into it, you slaved over it, sweated over it....still....it didn't work. You have no idea why. Sometimes a recipe just doesn't work. I've had a few such recipes, there was a casserole I got off the Internet with a four star rating and comments like "I didn't think these things would go together, but it was great!" and "wasn't too sure about this, but loved it!" I made it and.....these things DIDN'T go together! It was a big dish full of yuck. We certainly didn't "love it"! Then, there was this Risotto recipe with wonderful things like curry and coconut milk that smelled heavenly, but when finished and tasted was pretty bland and tasteless, not sure why, I measured it and stirred it exactly like the recipe said, but it was still a disappointment. Sometimes the recipe just doesn't work. No matter how hard you tried, no matter how much love you put into it, no matter how much work, it still goes wrong. I admit, sometimes a recipe doesn't work because the cook screwed up. The recipe wasn't followed, measurements were off, baking time was wrong. You don't get to bitch if you didn't follow the recipe. I know I always try to follow a recipe to the letter to begin with and after the first time I will add my own touch, maybe a little more garlic, maybe a little less hot pepper etc. But at first I try the recipe as written and THEN doctor it up. Sometimes you try to do everything right, and it doesn't work, it just isn't to someones taste, it's bland, or too spicy, or just doesn't taste good. So...you doctor it up, you change it and try to make it better, you add, you leave out, you stir it more, you stir it less, you bake it, steam it, boil it, freeze it, and it's still just not what someone wants and there is nothing you can do to make it taste good, or taste right to that person. Sometimes you have to give up on a recipe, you have throw it away because no amount of doctoring will fix it or make it taste better. Or maybe...you should just put it back in the recipe box to try again another day on another someone who just might appreciate it more, find it more to their taste. Find it just right, just spicy enough, with just enough garlic and just enough salt to be to their liking. Someone who appreciates the effort as well as the outcome. Sometimes recipes can go wrong and sometimes...it's just the person tasting them.

Meatloaf

So I spent three and a half hours in the kitchen making meatloaf? This wasn't just any meatloaf, it was Gourmet!! It was made up of three separate and distinct parts, first I had to make the homemade bbq sauce that would be the topping, and then I had to put together the flavorings and binder that would hold the two kinds of meat together and while that was baking I had to make the gravy that would be poured over the top of the finished loaf. At the same time I had to get the garlic mashed potatoes ready and the fresh green beans. Again, my cooking sounds like my life. When is there ever a time you don't have at least three things going at once, at least three distinct parts of life, home, work, family....etc...the main dish, the side dish, salad, dessert (sometimes) When I was finished, my kitchen was in chaos, but oh was it good! My meatloaf, unlike life, had a definite finish, an end so to speak. The meal was served, eaten, enjoyed, over. An hour later even the mess was cleaned up. Life is made up of many ingredients, but it is the collecting of ingredients, the mixing, baking, steaming, boiling of the ingredients that make our lives, not the finished product, we are never "finished" but continue to add ingredients until the final end when there is no more, or maybe, the end is when we are done collecting ingredients and mixing them together. We need to enjoy the mixing and collecting instead of always waiting for the finished product, it will never come...and we will miss the fun and joy of all that is around us if we are always looking to be "done". Waiting for the chaos to clear, waiting for the mess to be cleaned up, waiting for all the ingredients to be added. But back to the meatloaf, the cool thing about this meatloaf is, that while each part has different ingredients, there are certain elements that are shared, things that pull it all together into a whole. Each one complimenting the other, leaving out one part would have left it lacking something. Again, I see how my life is like that, all the different parts, so very different, but with a common thread, complimenting and adding to the other parts, take away one part and life wouldn't be nearly so tasty! As complicated as it seemed to ready the ingredients and put them together it was well worth the effort, I was told it was the best meatloaf they had ever eaten, my daughter said "YUMMY". It is also well worth the effort to gather the right ingredients to make your life "YUMMY" the "best ever". To that end, I have signed up and start my first year of college at the age of 45, adding one more main ingredient to my life to make it richer and better and so much more tasty! So, cheers...have fun collecting your ingredients, mixing them up, and cooking them, but don't forget any, because you don't want a bland meatloaf...or life.

Greek Phyllo Wraps

Makes about 8 or 9 wraps
Total time, about 1 hour

3 T. olive oil
1 Cup onion, diced
2 t. garlic, minced
1 1/4 lb. ground turkey
1/2 Cup red bell pepper, diced
2 T. fresh lemon juice
1 T. dried oregano
1/2 t. kosher salt
1/2 t. ground cinnamon
1/2 t. ground nutmeg
1/2 t. black pepper
1/2 Cup scallions, chopped
4 qz feta cheese, crumbled
16 sheets (9x14) phyllo pastry
3/4 Cup olive oil
fresh Dill sprigs

Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat, saute onion about 3 minutes, add garlic, saute 1 minute. Stir in turkey and cook 5 minutes, or until browned. Add bell pepper, lemon juice, and seasonings, cook 1 minute. Remove from heat, spoon off any excess fat. and cool 5 minutes. Stir in scallions and feta.

Preheat oven to 425 f.

Brush 1 phyllo sheet with oil, place sprig of dill about one inch from top, centered. top with a second sheet, brush with oil. Spoon 1/2 cup of turkey mixture on the short end, leaving a 1" margin. Fold sides in over mixture, (about an inch) then roll. The dill sprig should end up on top, with the seem side underneath. Place seam side down on baking sheet lined with foil, brush with oil. repeat with remaining turkey, phyllo, and oil.

Bake for 15 minutes, or until browned. Let stand 5 minutes to cool. Serve with big mixed green salad.

Pictures to follow!

Control and Dinner

A close friend asked me why I like to cook, why I was so into planning menus, cutting out recipes, making grocery lists etc....it took me a moment..and I answered "because when my life is in chaos and a total mess, I can control what's for dinner, because when you plan a menu, buy the ingredients, and follow the recipe, more often then not, you end up with a good meal. Exact measurements, following directions....for a moment I feel in control" My SO/BF/BFF set up this blog for me, came up with the name, as his nickname for me is Snoopy, but I thought what do I have to write about? He is the writer. But as I was creating a new recipe the other night I thought maybe I do have something to say, as I wrapped up the Greek Phyllo Wraps and made a big green salad I felt the calm come over me as I create a wonderful meal, I was able to think of the chaos around me, the uprooting to come, the lack of control I have over what is happening in the next couple of months and figured I could use this as a type of therapy. My cooking and my life. The uprooting comes from the fact I have been living in a house owned by a family member, have live here since 2001, nine years, my daughter was only two when we moved in. Anyway, they have decided to sell it, May 1st we have to be out of our home. I have been home taking care of friends kids for the last three years, my BF works graveyard with the homeless, an important but part time job. We have been getting by but really don't have the resources to find a place, move and then pay the high rent that would keep my daughter in her school. I still haven't quite wrapped my head around the fact that we are losing our home, sure it happens to people, you feel bad, never thought it would happen to me, I thought we were set. I'm at a loss as to what to do. I need to get a "real" job....in this economy not so easy. So.....to keep myself from slipping into complete depression, I drink red wine with my BF and cook! I will share the chaos of my life along with the food that helps feed our souls...in this blog that my BF set up for me....he's the writer, but I think I've done pretty good for a first time!!