Time to shout

There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:

This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel , love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me...or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.


Monday, March 1, 2010

Control and Dinner

A close friend asked me why I like to cook, why I was so into planning menus, cutting out recipes, making grocery lists etc....it took me a moment..and I answered "because when my life is in chaos and a total mess, I can control what's for dinner, because when you plan a menu, buy the ingredients, and follow the recipe, more often then not, you end up with a good meal. Exact measurements, following directions....for a moment I feel in control" My SO/BF/BFF set up this blog for me, came up with the name, as his nickname for me is Snoopy, but I thought what do I have to write about? He is the writer. But as I was creating a new recipe the other night I thought maybe I do have something to say, as I wrapped up the Greek Phyllo Wraps and made a big green salad I felt the calm come over me as I create a wonderful meal, I was able to think of the chaos around me, the uprooting to come, the lack of control I have over what is happening in the next couple of months and figured I could use this as a type of therapy. My cooking and my life. The uprooting comes from the fact I have been living in a house owned by a family member, have live here since 2001, nine years, my daughter was only two when we moved in. Anyway, they have decided to sell it, May 1st we have to be out of our home. I have been home taking care of friends kids for the last three years, my BF works graveyard with the homeless, an important but part time job. We have been getting by but really don't have the resources to find a place, move and then pay the high rent that would keep my daughter in her school. I still haven't quite wrapped my head around the fact that we are losing our home, sure it happens to people, you feel bad, never thought it would happen to me, I thought we were set. I'm at a loss as to what to do. I need to get a "real" job....in this economy not so easy. So.....to keep myself from slipping into complete depression, I drink red wine with my BF and cook! I will share the chaos of my life along with the food that helps feed our souls...in this blog that my BF set up for me....he's the writer, but I think I've done pretty good for a first time!!
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1 comment:

  1. UnknownMarch 11, 2010 at 11:13 PM

    Great thought, what a great outlet, also you help the people you serve it to and help yourself! As for the scenario of your home, just think, 'now I have the opportunity to create a whole new recipe. I am going to have control over every single aspect of this recipe and no one can tell me there is too much or too little of anything in my new recipe. I am the the builder, creator, and controlling force of this recipe and no one can take that away from me, this recipe is my life... I am the cook, and if you don't like what I am cooking... Then starve, cause that means more for me.' So that's what I feel you need to convince yourself of everyday, maybe that could be your new mantra? Great opening entry!

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